New Website

Hey faithful readers - I am redirecting this blog to my new website:

www.saltisnotthespiceoflife.com

If you have this blog saved in your favorites, please update it with the new web address, as I will no longer be posting here. And the website will allow me to do much more of what I want to do with this blog...

Enjoy - and I'll see you on the new site!

Somewhere there is a village missing its idiot

Why do people say the stupidest things? I feel like this should be Bill Cosby's new show - didn't he have one that was kids say the darnest things?? For years I have sat back and listened to people mock, laugh and make fun of me when my MS is acting up. "Oh... she's had too much to drink." "I know she has cerebral palsy." "What happened to you, someone run over your foot or something?" "But you look so normal, there can't be anything wrong with you." Newsflash - there isn't something wrong with me, there is something wrong with you! And with the MS, I'm used to it. (okay - I didn't really just sit back all the time - I have some snappy little comebacks when I'm in the mood...) You can sit there and make fun of me all you want to when I have a relapse. But let me clue you in on something. Ignorance is FAR more debilitating than MS will ever be to me.

Now with this heart failure I'm having to deal with stupid comments all over again. First let me say how amazed I have been that people seem to think having congestive heart failure is like catching a little cold. Umm.. please enlighten me - please in your infinite wisdom tell me how my heart going into failure, my heart saying I can't pump blood thru it, my heart potentially stoppping (which FYI means I'm dead)is remotely the same as having a cold or anything like it? Secondly, it appears that everyone has slept at a Holiday Inn last night and woke up medical doctors today. If you have great low sodium recipes, please pass them on all day long. But if you have never been to medical school, have never known anyone with heart disease, have never had to deal with heart disease - then do not insult me by telling me how to treat my heart failure. And for those people who seriously are not medical doctors, do not for one second think that you know more than my cardiologist who specializes in heart failure or my neurologist who specializes in MS.

And for the love of God - stop asking me if I am "back to normal"? Am I no longer a normal person just because my organs don't work the same way as yours? Does this make me some type of lepar in society? Its perfectly fine to ask me how my day was, how am I feeling, am I getting any stronger, how's the low sodium diet going, are you getting more comfortable with the new life style. Genuine questions that people ask me about how I am and how my health is, thats okay. I don't want to scare anyone off from checking in on me. I just wish sometimes people would think twice before they make comments to you.

It's okay to not know the right thing to say. Hell, I don't even know the right things to say to myself some days. Its okay to be scared about this. Trust me, I am. Its okay to not know what causes this and ask questions about that. I'm still learning and will continue learning about heart disease and MS.

I guess today I just hit my limit with stupidity.

Just BOUNCE!

How is everyone doing out there???? Good I hope. I will say I am much better now after having a great dinner with my good old friend Suzie and catching up. I haven't seen her in 10 years, and let me tell you- - we had A LOT to talk about!! Craziness. But last night I wasn't doing all that great. Actually, I was down right pissed off. And had I been allowed to, I could have really put a serious hurting on a punching bag.

For those of you who don't know me all that well, I am used to operating at 180-mph. Go, go, go all the time. So it's frustrating to me to be tired. You're probably wondering what happened with my Chicago trip and this little boxing match I have going with reality. I made it to Chicago. I actually did much better with my food, since I packed more of it this time. But I realized that it's a lot harder for me to stand and do presentations for a long amount of time. This trip wiped me out. I was soo tired on Friday. I had set aside Friday night to clean up my apartment. Yeah, that sooo didn't happen. I'm not used to NOT having energy.

I know that it is still really soon since I got out of the hospital. But damnit, I am only 31 years old. I should be bouncing back a lot faster from heart failure than this, right???

Before when I would travel and was flying back to Atlanta, I would have my Ipod on the whole time. Once I got off my plane I would dance my way thru the airport to my park'n'ride bus. No cell phone - just me, my music and dancing! This was just my little routine, I was in my own little Lindsey world and happy to finally be back home. On Thursday when I flew back, I had my Ipod on, but just didn't have it in me to dance thru the airport. Then Bon Jovi came on!! My sister has jokingly said he wrote this one song, Bounce, just for me! And while I wasn't dancing, I did have more of a Bounce in my step! It was enough to give me a little attitude going thru the airport and enough to make people wonder why I had such a big smile on my face. And tonight I got another little Bounce in my step - reconnecting with an old friend, laughing at old memories, talking about all the new stuff going on in our lives. It was a good reminder that sometimes the best things in life are to hear the wonderful sound of laughter from a good friend. Thank you Suzie! And thank you Julie for giving me this song - it has brought back some Bounce into my somewhat dull life right now!!

So ladies and gentleman - I leave you with a little Bounce (or at least my favorite parts)!! May you all find a little bounce in your lives!

I've been knocked down so many times
Count it out 6, 7, 8, 9

Call it karma, Call it luck
Me, I just don't give a f*&%
Bounce, Bounce
Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce
Stand up, Shout it Out
Bounce, Bounce
Play hard, Play to Win
Count me out, Count me in
I'll be Bouncing back again

I'll take the hits, But not the fall
I know no fear, Still standing tall

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I'll call your bluff
It ain't karma, It ain't luck
Me, I just don't give a f*&%

BOUNCE!!!

Song: Bounce by Bon Jovi

Round Two

Ok, let me first put one little thought out there - I don't know if I will write on this everyday. So no expectations.... just have a lot to get off my chest right now.

Here's a little update on my battle with reality. I made it to Chicago, with a very tired (yet cold) heart and short breath. But I made it. And can I just say, why in the world do adults think its cute to wear pajama's thru the airport??? People, its not cute. On a baby its cute. On an adult I need to pull out my fashion police badge!

Back to my little fight... there is only so much planning you can do. Lesson learned. But due to my superior planning, I am here and not crashing. I'm tired mind you, but not crashing. I have shortness of breath, but don't need to be hooked up to the oxygen tank. So, reality, you have me in a pretty good choke hold right now, but I'm not ready to tap out just yet. And I hope you liked that piercing elbow to the eye, that one will definitely leave a mark! While I'll give you round 1 from earlier this week, I think the judges will agree this round goes to me! And just to give you a heads up sucka, I have a few tricks up my sleeve for tomorrow, so watchout!!

Some of you may feel like I am being a little over-dramatic here. This is a whole new life for me. I was used to running thru the airport to barely catch my flight, running airport to airport - city to city. Oh, and while running I was responding to emails on one phone and catching up with a friend on the other. And once I got there the workout clothes would go on and I'd go for hard run and then lift. Stay up late working and then start the routine all over the next day. Right now, I can't imagine just running thru the airport. There was no running today. And had I needed to, we would have just missed that stupid flight. Not even the paramedics could get me off this bed on a treadmill right now (besides the fact my doc would kill me!) Multi-tasking is like learning how to walk all over again. I sounded like I had run a marathon today just talking to one of my collegues on the phone while I was packing. Just like Jordan Spark's song says, "Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air." Tell me how I'm supposed to survive if I can't be Lindsey.

I get that we as Americans need to slow down a little bit, breathe the fresh air and smell the stupid roses. But God, if you're listening... haven't we taken this one just a hair too far????

Reality Strikes

Well I got totally slapped in the face by reality today. In my mind, this whole process of dealing with CHF, figuring out this new lifestyle, trying to get my heart stronger is one massive fight for me. I guess that is just being raised in karate coming out in me. When I get pushed, all I know is to fight back. MS is another fight I've been battling. And given the fact that it tried to put me in a wheelchair and I got back out of it, and have maintained my mobility, I would say I am winning that fight. Score 1 for Team Lindsey!!

So why can't I figure this one out? I know, everyone is probably saying, "Just have patience Lindsey. Its going to take some time. You'll eventually get it." I DON'T HAVE PATIENCE. That is just a virtue God did not instill me with.

Yesterday I had to get back to the nitty, gritty of my job and start back traveling. By the time I got to my final destination last night, I was exhausted. Today I woke up to see that I had lost two pounds, but my BP had increased. I'm thinking we're going to be okay. I did good with the food I had packed and planned ahead with the travel. I have been a walking zombie all day. I mustered up enough energy to give a riveting sales presentation at my meeting this morning (he didn't suspect anything was wrong), and then could barely keep my eyes open driving home. I barely made it up to my apartment before I just crashed out, hard. And here's the frustrating part is that I have no appetite right now, but I know I need to eat. And I have absolutely no energy to get in the kitchen and even put a stupid plate in the microwave. Right about now is when I would LOVE to be able to order a pizza. But NOOOOOO, those dumb things have too much sodium. Oh, what about that chinese restaurant.... wait - again, too much sodium and now MSG. This little luxury of "fast food", "take out", just convenience in general is something we take for granted. I know I did.

Travel is going to be tougher than I thought. And I get to fly out tomorrow for Chicago. Yahoo for me!! Travel used to be fun, now its so much work to make sure I have everything I need.

Alright reality, listen up. And I mean listen up good.... You may have slapped me across the face today, but beware - I have a really MEAN right hook and a deadly sidekick. And I don't get knocked down very easily. So while I am a walking zombie, I will get in that kitchen and fix some dinner, I will get my meals prepared to take with me to Chicago and I will finish the work I need to get done tonight.

You may have won the fight today, but this war and I will come back. In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength but through persistance. Meditate on that one reality!

I Didn't Freak Out, I even DANCED!!

I gained a pound today and for the first time I didn't freak out!! You're probably asking yourself why this is such a big deal. Here's why... for 10 years I would wake up every morning to the reality of a shot. That vital shot is what tried its best to keep me walking. Now I wake up and weigh myself every morning (along with taking my blood pressure). Let me just start with the obvious - what woman likes to weigh herself in the first place. I mean, really? So I get the daily reminder of what size clothes I can't fit into? (and yes, even when you have heart failure you still care about the materials things...) But this morning it was different. This morning I was a woman on a different mission. Ever since I got out of the hospital on Dec 13th I have been terrified to get on that scale. If I gain weight (depending on how much it is & for how many days in a row) it could be an indication that my sodium intake is not at the correct level and my heart is going back into failure. So not only has salt been my enemy, so has the scale. And for that reason I have been terrified to eat. Too much sodium and my heart starts to shut down (essentially...). Too little sodium and my body gets completely dehydrated and my kidneys start to shut down. So for someone who has never had to watch what she eats before (except to watch calories every now and then) how in the hell do you find this delicate balance and feel normal???? Therefore, where I once LOVED food, I was now terrified to eat it. Food was now my enemy too. (okay.. I need to interject a little side note that will make sense in a minute - I'm listening to Montley Crew's "Kickstart my Heart"!! How appropiate..) Sounds like I'm stacking up a lot of enemies, huh??

Hmm.. I digress..... back to this scale, weight issue... So over the holidays I gained two pounds one day and completely freaked out. I wouldn't eat anything (to the point I thought my parents were going to start force feeding me...) and I adjusted my medicines. I dropped four pounds in one day and all of a sudden I start blacking out and fainting. I just couldn't seem to get it right. It was tiring, frustrating and to be honest... it just pissed me off. I've always been a fighter my entire life, very little if anything in this world has been able to keep me down. I've become a black belt all over again in fighting MS, but this heart failure was kicking my ass! And I couldn't understand why.

One of the first rules of fighting is to identify your enemies weaknesses and use those against them. And one of salt's and the scale's weaknesses is my body. My body is going to be one of my greatest strengths over these enemies and I didn't even realize it! Over the last week I've really tried to pay attention to what my body is feeling and what it's telling me. More times than not, your body will tell you exactly what is wrong with it, if you only know how to listen. God tells us to just be still in His presence and He will lead us. The same is true with my body. If I will just be still and listen, it will start to tell me what it needs - more fluid, more salt, less salt, more exercise, less exercise, more relaxation, etc... So I knew, based on what my body was telling me, that I wasn't getting enough sodium in my diet. And I also knew that I was gravely dehydrated. Gaining a pound was a victory for me today. And for the first time, I didn't freak out!!

I was trying to prepare ahead a few meals for this week. In the past, cooking was always a stress reliever for me. But after this heart failure, it felt more like a chore, it was work I had to do because I can no longer go through a drive-thru for dinner anymore. (Hmm... was cooking about to become my enemy as well?????) But tonight I had my Ipod playing while I was cooking and just chopping and dicing and zesting like no bodies business. The next thing I know I'm smiling. And without realizing it, I was singing like I was the next American Idol and dancing with myself in my kitchen. Thats right, stop the presses - I was actually enjoying cooking for myself to the point that I was dancing! Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain!!

These little victories... they may seem so stupid to who ever is reading this, but they are huge for me. My cooking spree felt like I had just run a marathon. So today, I just punched the shit back out of heart failure. You didn't freak me out today with my weight gain, and kiss my behind - I learned to dance in the rain!! So... as Rihanna says, Please Don't Stop the Music and for Montley Crew - I Kick Started My Heart!!

Here's your Heart Healthy Tip for Today: The average American diet consumes over 8,000 mg of sodium. Per the American Heart Association, you shouldn't consume more than 2,000 mg. Bread is one of the biggest culprits of hidden sodium. Try tracking your sodium for one meal. You'll be surprised. Eat as many foods fresh as you can, not frozen and not processed and you'll start to cut back on your sodium, and lead you on the path to preventing heart disease.

Welcome

Well, please let me welcome you to my new blog. 2008 was hands down the worst year of my life and I am bound and determined to make 2009 one of the best years of my life. So let me quickly recap for you my lovely last year of existance. I continued my 11 year battle against Mulitple Sclerosis (and don't feel I made any significant victories in my little war), I got divorced, I found out one of my best friends was really not my friend at all, I ventured back out into the dating world only to realize that not only was I not really ready but men still lie, cheat and steal to get their ways regardless of it's impact on you (but have no fear - I am not a man hater), I started losing my ability to breathe and was admitted into the hospital for congestive heart failure (that's right - the good ole ticker was only working at 15%!!), I won't even venture into the family drama that has gone on lately that only makes me sick to my stomach, and I got to close out the year with a whole new life of low sodium diets & changing how I pretty much do everything. Oh... and did I mention I am only 31?????

So, my New Years Resolution for 2009 was me! To figure out this crazy path of living with heart falure, get to know me all over again so I can figure out what I want & who I want to spend my time with and find some cemblance of inner peace! There is a saying that negativity begets negativity (read Nicole's post on facebook, it's a good one!) What you put out into the universe comes back to you. My normal way of dealing with all of life's stresses and ups & downs was to hit the gym for a hard workout or go for a really hard run or just dance my heart out. And right now with my heart, I can't do those things (they say too much adrenaline right now could make the dumb thing explode!). Therefore, I am releasing in one of the first ways I know how to - to vent, to rant, to write, and to learn.

This blog will not just be a ranting of all the things that have gone wrong in my life. This will be a journey as I discover everything that has gone right. It will be a learning experience for both of us about heart failure, MS, health, love, life and new ways of living. I do want this to also be educational. Just the little bit I have learned about low sodium and the effects on your body are amazing. Anyways, more on that later....

Now to explain why I chose the name, "Salt is NOT the Spice of Life". Think about salt in your life. What do we use it for? Chefs, cooks, people in general use salt to flavor food - to add a certain spice, taste or kick. It enhances the flavor of the food. If you ever watch Rachel Ray on Food Network, she always throws salt over her shoulder when she cooks with it for good luck. There are containers of bath salts that you can add to your bath to help relax the body and create a more enjoyable bubble bath experience. While that is how salt effects most normal people's lives, it does none of those things for me. Salt is not only my enemy now, I have to also learn how to make it my friend. Too much salt and I'm in trouble. Too little salt and I'm in trouble. It's a weird balance that I am trying to figure out. Salt doesn't add flavor to my food or my life, it doesn't relax me. In fact, it does the exact opposite - I stress out all the time now about salt. So for me, Salt is not the spice of my life. But I know in 2009, I will find out exactly what is!!

I have always believed that when God closes a door He opens a window somewhere. I feel a lot of doors were slammed in my face in 2008 and I am crawling thru this window for 2009. I hope you will come with me and help me enjoy this journey!